Elijah vs. Baseball, Bond and Steroids

My eight-year-old god son (of "I don't have any trouble with the word vagina" fame) is obsessed with baseball. I wondered the other day how he was feeling about Barry Bonds breaking the home run record. Yesterday, I got this email which he sent to the editor of the Seattle PI and it answered my question.

Sent: Saturday, August 11, 2007 8:00 AM
To: Opinion
Subject: Letter to the Editor re: Barry Bonds from Elijah, 8 years old

Dear Editor,

I really think Barry Bonds has been cheating when he broke the home run record. Why is Barry Bonds getting all of this attention? He was definitely on steroids. Why are you letting all of this crud get past you? Alex Rodriguez is not on drugs, he isn't using a corked bat. He's a nice guy and I don't know if Barry Bonds is but I'd much rather Alex Rodriguez break the home run record than Barry Bonds. Hank Aaron didn't use steroids to break Babe Ruth's record and I think it's very nice for Hank Aaron to call Barry Bonds on the phone. But Barry Bonds didn't break the home run record because he was most likely on drugs.

Sincerely,

Elijah Gold Newman
8 years old

I have no opinion whatsoever about Bonds. But Elijah's ire is hard to resist. Well put, 'Lij. Why are they letting all that crud get past them?

Shin, Armpit, Little Toe, Vagina, Forehead...

Let's get one thing fucking straight: My girly body parts are not dirty, shameful or inappropriate for children. I'm not talking about pictures of vaginas (which aren't necessarily any of the above), any sort of sexual context or making anyone discuss vaginas against their will. I am talking about the WORD vagina, which names a part of the human body.

I am not surprised by this story at all. Sadly, I'm not even disappointed because I would absolutely expect nothing less. Three high school students in NY are possibly facing suspension for saying the word "vagina" in the context of a reading of "The Vagina Monologues." Their principal is a man. Big surprise. His name is Dick. I am not kidding.

The three students are on the Today Show this morning with Eve Ensler. Meredith handled herself with the usual airheaded idiocy. "But children were going to be present." I love that the president of the school board (also on the show) said that he has no problem with the word vagina and has heard it more in the last few days than ever before.

The point here is not if they get suspended or not, although, it would be an injustice. The point here is that there was even a question that the word in the context of an empowering phrase in a monologue that includes the word vagina may be offensive to hear. Ridiculous.

I think this point is well explained in the words, of Maude Lebowski. Let's consult the text:

MAUDE
My art has been commended as being
strongly vaginal. Which bothers
some men. The word itself makes
some men uncomfortable. Vagina.




DUDE
Oh yeah?


MAUDE
Yes, they don't like hearing it and
find it difficult to say. Whereas
without batting an eye a man will
refer to his "dick" or his "rod" or
his "Johnson".

As an aside, my godson Elijah, who was about five at the time and who says his r's with a little difficulty, overheard me quoting the above passage. He responded matter-of-factly: "I don't have any twouble saying vagina, but I do have a little twouble with my r's."

Amen, Elijah. You're the product of feminist parents. Should all children be so lucky. Obviously Principal Dick's parents weren't.